I didn’t say hello? I didn’t even see you. I didn’t respond to your Facebook post? I never even read it. I didn’t call you back? Was I supposed to? I didn’t comment on your email? Is that the one that was so long I had no idea what the point was when I finished? I didn’t return your text? I thought it was just a statement and I didn’t think a response was needed! Besides, if I DO return it, you will just say something else and it will go on and on and on……
I’ve been on the wrong end of these scenarios all too often. I know, I know….I need to be more sensitive to some but how come I always have to be more sensitive? Why can’t some people be LESS sensitive? Seriously, I cannot tell you how many times someone has tried to “think for me” or “know what I really meant” or “guess what I wanted” and been totally wrong.
While I’m at it, here are just a few more things I’d like to get off my chest…
- My “tone” is because I’m tired and has absolutely nothing to do with you.
- My comment was taken out of context. If you just pull one sentence out of the entire conversation, it just isn’t fair.
- I want to talk to you but I don’t want to have to say “no” to whatever you ask me to do because I finally called.
- Why don’t you contact ME instead of waiting for me to call you?
- You’re upset about the conversation we had? I can’t even remember what we talked about!
- Do you have any idea of the way you might have sounded during our exchange?
Case in point: How many of you are already wondering if someone upset me or are trying to figure out why am I writing this? The answer is no one. This is simply the sum of a thousand times I have felt misunderstood and did not have the energy (or tact) to comment on it.
Why can’t we all just take each other at face value? Why can’t we just give people a “pass” when they are grumpy? Or a “do over”? Why take everything so personally? I understand that situations might “affect” you but there is a very good chance they might not be “about” you.
The next time someone hurts your feelings, stop and think about their “intent”. Do you really think they would intentionally hurt you? Or is it just someone that is tired and doesn’t have the energy or self-awareness to know how they are coming across.
If we thought to ourselves, “I guess they are tired,” instead of “I can’t believe they did that to ME!” a little more often, we might all have more friends!
Valerie On April 27, 2014 at 10:12 pm
Did you just come up with that now? So good, so real, so revealing…..
I like it!
Tracy Spears On April 28, 2014 at 7:01 am
Thank you Valerie!
Sandy Stevenson On April 28, 2014 at 4:45 am
I agree with you completely! Would that attitude ( of the offended) represent a bit of narcissism?
Tracy Spears On April 28, 2014 at 7:00 am
Sandy…I think that most people don’t even realize how they come across!
Matt On April 28, 2014 at 8:14 am
There are a few individuals in an organization who can take up so much time for others because they go around trying to analyze every statement and “read into” everything. It is exhausting.
Katrina On April 28, 2014 at 8:28 am
Tracy, thanks so much for this awesome post.
michael On April 28, 2014 at 10:36 am
Love this! It speaks straight to the heart of my “green/entrepreneurial” nature.
It’s not you (the personally offended) it’s just me being me. And those who know me know that.
I just have to remain aware that while I get me, and others like me, there will be those “blue/social” individuals that I’ll need to remind not to take it personally. It’s just me.
Delilah On April 28, 2014 at 10:46 am
Good Monday morning subject as we start our week. I always want to say to the person who feels it is all about them “you can’t possibly be that selfish?!” It can’t be all about you or me all the time! LOL because that is so me!!! My operations manager was sitting in here laughing as we read this because I said “you see someone gets me!”.
Melody Locke On April 28, 2014 at 10:49 am
Just spent the weekend with a friend and had a lengthy conversation about an acquaintance who falls into every one of these categories. She has completely cut off the relationship while I avoid him and 90% of all calls. I don’t know if there is a “fix” to some of these people but they are toxic if you allow them into your life. Whew!
Kyle Hearn On April 28, 2014 at 1:36 pm
Love it! Amen sister.
Ginger Cato On April 28, 2014 at 4:09 pm
Thank you for posting this! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been the “bad guy” in scenarios such as these and wasn’t even sure how I earned the title. Lol.
Kaci Coffee On April 28, 2014 at 6:32 pm
Spot on, Tracy. We live in a culture that cultivates narcissism. Facebook status updates. Twitter. Instagram. All of these social media manifestations promote a subtle narcissism that permeates our world today. People expect an immediate response to almost everything. People use microwaves, high speed internet, smart phones, etc…so that they can find gratification instantly. With all the external stimuli there is no time for most people to breathe and be mindful that there is a world that doesn’t revolve around them. I hope you’re well, Tracy!
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